Rant #2: Shoe trauma

Working in another country can sometimes be tough. No birthday hugs from old friends, no car in the pouring rain and no proper chocolate...anywhere. But when you’re an English girl working in Berlin there is one Teutonic terror so disarming that even a glass of the very best Weisswein won’t ease the pain. The reign of the flat shoe.

Yes my friends, flats are in, practical is en vogue and short girls are screwed. My time in Hamburg had prepared me for the fact that German ladies are as well-acquainted with heels as they are with the concept of a Malibu and Coke and I knew that I could expect dirty looks when rocking my Mary-Janes. But I expected more from Berlin.

And we’re not just talking cute ballerinas and sandals here. Even in the swishest of offices and the hippest of bars, the best you will get is a kitten heel or a wedge. Stilettos are unheard of, save the odd fashionista trying to make an (elevated) stand. Seeing them strut across Pariser Platz I would give them a sad smile – our fight was not going to be won this summer.

Having accepted that Germany was not ready for my footwear revolution, I called a truce and returned to the stunning shoes Ryanair cruelly forced me to leave behind. Slipping my size 5 (not 38) feet back into my beautiful two-tone stilettos, I hit the shops in search of foot candy to celebrate my homecoming. In need of some high-brow reading material, I purchased a copy of Grazia at the station. The headlines of the glossy gospel hailed the arrival of the “pencil heel”. I was officially excited.

Best friend in tow, Oxford Street in sight, I was determined to find the right pair of boots to make the winter weather that much more bearable. Ankle boots or knee-highs, I wasn’t sure yet, but I certainly liked the sound of that pencil heel. Scouring the shoe lounges of Topshop et al. I felt a trickle of disappointment take the edge off my urge to splurge. The high-street had let me down.

Was it because of a lack of heels? Certainly not. But this season’s trends almost prompted me to cry “come back Germany, all is forgiven. Sling me some Converses and sign me up for some Birkenstocks while you’re at it.” Almost.

Not only are designers teaming stilettos with platform soles this season, but they’re also going thigh-high with their creations. Fabulous. A look that manages to simultaneously scream “Seventies” and “slutty” while still being the height of cool. Essex market stall holders can give themselves a pat on the back – it seems they can spot a trend.

So, I guess there’s only one question left – how long till I get a pair?

ecb